I prescribe: Microwave Collapsible Cover

For: Munchies, Laziness, Hiding the evidence

Prescriber’s Notes: This handy tool pops up to sit over food while heating. Splatters begone; micro-messes no longer. Go ahead, heat that spaghetti sauce. No one ever has to know about it.

For: Munchies, Appreciation, Making amends

Prescriber’s Notes: If you’re going to drop in on someone, you should bring these Bitz. It’s only polite. Just don’t eat them all when you get the midnight munchies, or you’ll have to bring twice as much next time. Then again, all is forgiven when you bring CJ’s Bitz. Much more effective than an olive branch.

I Prescribe: Cheeseburger Phone

For: Munchies, Nostalgia, iPhone ap-rehension

Prescriber’s Notes: What’s that in your hand? A cheeseburger phone? Booyah. Does not upload your pictures to the internet, have noise cancelling technology, a built in answering machine or speakerphone. Because it doesn’t have to. It’s a Cheeseburger phone.

I prescribe: House of Tsang Mongolian Fire Oil

For: Culinary doldrums, “That-time-of-the-month” munch-fest

Prescriber’s Notes: A blend of sesame oil, chili, and garlic, this lighter oil for seasoning compliments any Asian dish and then a bunch of non-Asian ones too – try it on eggs. Or better yet, pop a giant bowl full of popcorn and mix this with butter and parmesan cheese. You will have died and gone to heaven!

I Prescribe: Wye River Crabbers

For: Munchies, Salt Seeking, Bad Boss Days

Prescriber’s Notes: Crabs may not be in season here in Merlin (Maryland) for another 4 months, but new Wye River Crabbers crabs are in season year ’round. “Pick” up a box of the tasty crab-seasoned, crab-shaped cheese crackers and eat them with your favorite Maryland Wye River seafood soups. Bet you can’t wait to get your “claws” on these!