For: Playground superiority, Responsibility Training, Jr Eco Hulks

Prescriber’s Notes: It’s a big manly green truck. Recycling truck. Made from recycled materials. Super cool, sturdy and fab for future eco warriors. You can feel good about both of you if you buy this for a kid

For: Selfishness, Narcissism, Recklessness

Prescriber’s Notes: Does the term Ecofriendly evoke images of tree huggers who wipe their ass with a fistfull of leaves? Yeah, we know. The big leaf on the package is not so reassuring. But we’re here to tell you this stuff is plenty soft. Baby steps to recovery. We’ll make a do gooder of you yet.

I Prescribe: Green Girl La Ecototes

For: Split Personality Disorder, Angel/Devil Syndrome, Feeling Burdened

Prescriber’s Notes: You’ve got a lot of things weighing on you lately. And the voices in your head, they say be one way, then they say be another. It’s like this whole green eco thing. You want to jump on it, but you want to look cute too. Today. And tomorrow. Problem solved with these adorable bags from Green Girl LA. They are eco friendly, capacious and reversible to a contrasting print.

I prescribe: Chico Cozies

For: Eco Guilt, Hand Scalding, Beverage Ruts

Prescriber’s Notes: Every day it’s the same old same old. You get your preferred drink, extra hot. And in order to avoid third degree burns when you get your fix, you double cup and cuff it. Oh the shameful waste. Tree killer! Ditch the extra cups and cuff and protect your paws when you dress up your drink with this clever cozy.

For: Inferiority Complexes, Eco-Frustration, Gadget Backlash

Prescribers Notes: Remember the old gym showers of yesteryore? The ones that blasted the dirt off your bod like a firehose, just barely leaving your flesh intact? Water Conservation? Pffft. Cut to the present and your hightech sunflower head barely has the power to get the organic conditioner out of your hair. Well.. this totally cheap lo tech showerhead is apparently the answer. It brings back the power, without adding to your waterbill. How? Don’t know. It’s like the show “Life on Mars”. A mystery. A throwback.