It’s Friday the 13th. Perhaps you’re feeling a little on edge? Retail Therapy to the rescue! Try these multi-symptom remedies to treat superstitious jitters, along with your usual panel of ailments.
For Bad Karma: You laid someone off. You failed to alert the cashier they gave you too much change. You’re in trouble, brother. Karma’s coming to get you. Protect yourself with an extra strength gold rabbit’s foot.
For Nosy Neighbors: Look into my eye. My Anti-Evil Eye Ring that is. Neighbors that dig in your biz can be so pesky. They’re just jealous you know! Keep the ill will at bay and protect yourself.
For Fear of Barfing: The day will come that you forget to pack the Purell. And on that day, your toddler will escape from a public restroom without thoroughly washed hands. Meanwhile, your four year old will lick the mall floor. It’s dangerous out there. You need some protection. You need a hand… May as well make it this beautiful Hamsa. Even Britney wears one.
For Dissapointment and Resentment: Sick and tired of waiting for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? Grow your own luck. No more scouring the shamrock patch for the one mutant clover. You’ve got a mutant colony at your disposal. Next thing you know, you’ll rule the world!
For Pessimism: Find a Penny Pick it up, all day long you’ll have… this pendant to remind you not to be such a sourpuss. Make a wish and stamp it on your good luck penny. Hopefully from now on you will only land heads up and glass half full!
For Impatience & Letting Go: The waiting really is the hardest part, isn’t it? It’s hard to savor the anticipation when you’re in a hurry. Slow down, take it easy. Tie one of these lucky charms on, make a wish and set it free. It just might come back to you someday. But you’ll have to wait. The charm has to fall off first.
For Joylessness and Antagonism: Everyone knows that Lucky Charms are Magically Delicious. More magical than pharmaceuticals? Maybe! If carbs are your prozac, consider this breakfast your medicine. Which part of the Lucky charms are the most magical? Duh! Ask any 4 yo. Hint: It’s not the Oats. Disclaimer: accidental overdose has been linked to obesity, diabetes and jumping in the air and clicking your heels to the side. Leprechaun not included.
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Peeing In Store 08.04.09 at 4:17 am
hh.. bookmarked